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Bless you! Have a couple of stable girls warm the bed up for me as well.

snaps wrote:Bless you! Have a couple of stable girls warm the bed up for me as well.

Already in hand. (So to speak).

Steady now. Stable girls can be a bit wild and rough. Make sure they don't take you for a ride. As Confuscius said ''He who rides tiger should expect tricky journey''.

snaps wrote:Steady now. Stable girls can be a bit wild and rough.

You're saying that like it's a bad thing.

Caveat Canem! don't say I didn't warn you! I should send you over Lambrusco, the one we call ''Bubbles". She would put you through your paces very thoroughly, but is a bit heavy-handed in use of the lunge whip, meh heh heh

(Hurriedly looks for emoticons for "fear", "terror", even "trepidation" would do. Fails miserably again.) (Goes crazy instead.)

Sounds like my kind of woman, if only she was a little more simian and a little less equine.

Poor Lambrusco At least her mother >>>>> had a sense of humor, but imagine being a kid named after the drink you were conceived on. Her knuckles do indeed graze the ground so she is semi-semian After a thorough shave and waxing she scrubs up quite presentably

snaps wrote:Poor Lambrusco At least her mother >>>>> had a sense of humor, but imagine being a kid named after the drink you were conceived on. Her knuckles do indeed graze the ground so she is semi-semian After a thorough shave and waxing she scrubs up quite presentably

Sounds wonderful. Is she one of the three?
And the waxing. I must know more about the waxing.

Bubbles is indeed one of the three gorgons for the price of one.

I will spare you details of the waxing. I do hope you are not eating as you read this Suffice to say I start with her shoulder blades and work downwards. The trickiest bit is negotiating a Flymo hover mower round her armpits.

Now I know you're being silly. You'll never get the Flymo there, you need to use an Ozito.

I had to look that one up, but yeh you're pretty close Of course as you descend into the fertile jungle delta a flame-thrower and machete are required

That's probably a little more information than I needed just now.
It think my breakfast coffee is coming back for a revisit. Hey, is that you on the phone... Ralph.

I shall keep my thoughts to myself then and wrap it up in a nice little story called The Forbidden Forest of Lambrusco, a tantalising tale of intrepid explorers and their attempts to penetrate the steamy jungle depths in search of the Magic Cave of delicious delights.

No really, I was only kidding. Wasn't that a movie or something, Lambrusco's Heavenly Delights? Can't I take this adventure with you?

By the way, since you last spoke to her, Moa has been a little rambunctious. She's been listening to Rammstein and going down to the Ramsgate Hotel for long lunches. What on earth did you say to her?

Moa has been ringing me up in the middle of the night. I think you upset her with your remarks about her being mutton dressed as lamb. I don't speak Sheepish so I don't understand too good, but I did catch the word ''baaaah - stard" . Anyhow she's moving on in her career and is aiming to become Miss Australia. She's planning to wear her wool in mini-dreadlocks and do drugs. She's gotten herself agent now called Shaun Lamb who has promised her a part in a remake of Rambo, but so far she hasn't got up from the casting couch, she just loves it there.