It all begun in a morning. I heard from a radio that today would be the most depressing day of a year. Some experts had made a reasearch to find that out. Well i don’t believe in things like that. So i was joking about it at first. Later i leraned that they were so right!
It wasn't quite that you could call a mood lifting statement OK. Consider it as a perfect intro. So first i heard that someone is stealing things and it must be someone i know as well. Can’t tell more about it, can’t even think!
I told that i have a friend who’s having a problem with addiction. Well she’s back to the habit, she took pills again today. When she starts she just can’t quit before the bottom hits. And i left her all alone. I'm the only one to blame. Still it doesn’t make me feel any better. Sounds like a lame excuse to me. (Can’t stop worrying about her now!) I really didn’t have the strength to deal with it. I have just too many problems on my own. So i turned and walked away.
I had a plan to go to the book store. Then suddenly i found myself just walkin’ with no direction on my mind. I didn’t feel like being capable going to the book store. So i was hanging around the narrow streets between majestic houses from the Middle Age. I was in The Old Town. It was snowing, must have been beautiful. But for me nothing really seemed to exist. Too incredibly blue. The snow was like the the tears of an angels. I wanted to cry like these angels even in front of everybody (see, i was getting delirious
). With a broken heart you just don’t care about things like that. But not a tear came to my eye. All of these bitter tears fell inside right on my wounded heart. I was marching around like a zombie. Somehow my feet managed to carry me home and all i could do then was to fall in a deep sleep.What use is it to have a brain if it can’t teach a foolish heart? I've been in the situation on for about 3 and a half months for now. I don’t feel like getting over. To be true things are getting wose. I feel so fucking confused. The bossibility to make it is like 0,01 % and even then it wouldn’t work out any good. But my stupid heart keeps me hangin’ on. I can’t even tell if it’s love or has it always been just a sort of masochistic obsession. I guess i have to wait a time to teach me and my foolish heart.
(Just to mention some of the problems i have)
PS I will survive!
